“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”
More from Alfred Hitchcock on Humor
“Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.”
“Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.”
“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
“Revenge is sweet and not fattening.”
Others on Humor
Groucho Marx
23 quotes“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
George Carlin
13 quotes“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defea...”
H. L. Mencken
11 quotes“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”
Sir Winston Churchill
10 quotes“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome d...”
Ambrose Bierce
10 quotes“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his d...”
Douglas Adams
9 quotes“Insanity is a gradual process - don't rush it.”
Mary West
9 quotes“To err is human - but it feels divine.”
Laurence Peter
9 quotes“Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.”
Dorothy Parker
8 quotes“The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.”
Will Rogers
8 quotes“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.”
Rodney Dangerfield
7 quotes“You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!”
Henry Kissinger
7 quotes“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”