“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”
More from Ambrose Bierce on Humor
“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”
“Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.”
“DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.”
“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”
“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”
“Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.”
“Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”
“Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.”
“Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.”
Others on Humor
Groucho Marx
23 quotes“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
George Carlin
13 quotes“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defea...”
H. L. Mencken
11 quotes“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”
Sir Winston Churchill
10 quotes“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome d...”
Douglas Adams
9 quotes“Insanity is a gradual process - don't rush it.”
Mary West
9 quotes“To err is human - but it feels divine.”
Laurence Peter
9 quotes“Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.”
Dorothy Parker
8 quotes“The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.”
Will Rogers
8 quotes“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.”
Henry Kissinger
7 quotes“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Rodney Dangerfield
7 quotes“You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!”
Steven Wright
6 quotes“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”