“The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.”
More from Dorothy Parker on Humor
“He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.”
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”
“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
Others on Humor
Groucho Marx
23 quotes“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
George Carlin
13 quotes“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defea...”
H. L. Mencken
11 quotes“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”
Sir Winston Churchill
10 quotes“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome d...”
Ambrose Bierce
10 quotes“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his d...”
Douglas Adams
9 quotes“Insanity is a gradual process - don't rush it.”
Mary West
9 quotes“To err is human - but it feels divine.”
Laurence Peter
9 quotes“Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.”
Will Rogers
8 quotes“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.”
Henry Kissinger
7 quotes“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Rodney Dangerfield
7 quotes“You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!”
Ronald Reagan
6 quotes“You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.”