546 quotes
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
— William Wordsworth
"Humor is also a way of saying something serious."
— T. S. Eliot
"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness."
— Samuel Beckett
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."
— Ronald Reagan
"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you."
— Langston Hughes
"If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found the time to conquer the world."
— Heinrich Heine
"Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
— H. L. Mencken
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
— General Douglas MacArthur
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"The story so far:In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams
"I shall be an autocrat: that's my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me: that's his."
— Catherine the Great
"Comedy is tragedy plus time."
— Carol Burnett
"Comedy is tragedy - plus time."
"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
— Bob Hope
"Jerry: Oh, you don't understand, Osgood! Ehhhh... I'm a man.Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect."
— Billy Wilder
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"
— Billy Connolly
"Watson. Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same."
— Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"The best thing is to look natural, but it takes makeup to look natural."
— Calvin Klein
"I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary."
— Billy Joel