Woody Allen Quotes

39 quotes

American filmmaker, actor and comedian (born 1935)

“The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.”

"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

on Philosophy

"We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices..."

on Life

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

on Life

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred."

on Life

"Showing up is eighty percent of life."

on Mindfulness

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

on Love

"If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

on Faith

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

on Humor

"Marriage is the death of hope."

on Love

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank."

on Faith

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

on Humor

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

on Philosophy

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

on Life

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

on Humor

"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

on Death

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down ."

on Death

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

on Fear

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

on Humor

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

on Humor

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

on Success