“Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.”
More from Billy Connolly on Humor
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”
“When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?”
“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
Others on Humor
Groucho Marx
23 quotes“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
George Carlin
13 quotes“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
H. L. Mencken
11 quotes“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”
Sir Winston Churchill
10 quotes“Always remember, that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
Ambrose Bierce
10 quotes“Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.”
Douglas Adams
9 quotes“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special law...”
Mary West
9 quotes“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”
Laurence Peter
9 quotes“Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.”
Will Rogers
8 quotes“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.”
Dorothy Parker
8 quotes“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”
Henry Kissinger
7 quotes“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.”
Rodney Dangerfield
7 quotes“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”