“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”
More from Groucho Marx on Humor
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Others on Humor
George Carlin
13 quotes“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
H. L. Mencken
11 quotes“Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.”
Ambrose Bierce
10 quotes“Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.”
Sir Winston Churchill
10 quotes“Always remember, that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
Douglas Adams
9 quotes“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special law...”
Mary West
9 quotes“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”
Laurence Peter
9 quotes“Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.”
Will Rogers
8 quotes“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.”
Dorothy Parker
8 quotes“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”
Henry Kissinger
7 quotes“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.”
Rodney Dangerfield
7 quotes“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
Steven Wright
6 quotes“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”